#3 Office Event: Resonance Cascade
#3 Office Event
Resonance Cascade
It has been brought to our attention that the ongoing dispute over the use of the office microwave is beginning to affect staff relations and company morale. As we are unwilling, at this time, to release funds to upgrade the machine to a new and more suitable model, we encourage users to organise a rota of some kind so that everyone may be able to heat their lunches.
- Recovered Email
Four minutes, man. If it takes longer to heat than that, eat it cold. I'm not spending my entire fricking break standing in a line watching everyone else's crappy homemade rissoles revolve at the speed of slow while they yap on about how they were made. As if I give a $@*^.
- Steve, Junior Administrator
"Things were beginning to get out of hand. Some of the emails being sent around the office were incredibly polite and people were beginning to be referred to by their professional titles."
- Survivor
"And then I had a quite excellent idea which would enable me to increase the speed of the microwave by an almost impossible amount, allowing everyone's meals to be heated if not simultaneously then so close to that as to be indistinguishable. That, I thought, would allow the office routine to revert to its previous satisfactory state".
- Professor Jonathon Womble
F*ck you, Steve, I know that was aimed at me.
- Sarah, Secretary
We still haven't managed to figure out what it is that the Professor did to create this problem. The short amount of security camera footage obtained show him entering the building carrying, variously, a violin, four chickens, a barrel of what appears to be radioactive materials, a vintage telescope, and sixteen rolls of fencing wire. Surviving staff members have confirmed that he stripped both the photocopier and a number of computers down for parts - entirely against company policy, I might add - but whatever it was he did, the result was not pretty.
- Report, Office Investigative Committee
Well I think the experiment went magnificently. The results, I will confess, were not as predicted, but who else has managed to open an inter-dimensional hole on such a meager budget? Not those government-funded wastrels at Black Mesa, that's for sure. And before the explosion and uncontrollable resonance cascade, everyone had a nice hot lunch!"
- Professor Jonathon Womble
"We're not sure whether to give him a Nobel prize or fifteen years' hard labour. Either way, how the hell do we clear this mess up?"
- Government Spokesperson
The office is overrun with murderous headcrabs armed, for reasons which have nothing to do with logic or reason, with p90's, pistols and knives. The cleanup crew have yet to arrive, and the carnage is ongoing...