Hello Folks! Pilot Jones here, just recovering from a wild weekend and this be my story;
Saturday night, I hit up the clubs with a couple of buddies for my Pal's 21st birthday and let me tell you, shit was wild! The ladies were fine and the club was booming.
So being single for quite a while, I'd figure "Hey.. I may as well chase tail while I'm here". My friends are with me at the bar when we spot a group of chicks dancing - No boyfriends in sight. It was perfect, this one girl in particular she just seemed to shine like nobody else on the floor, and it almost felt like a sign that I had to holla. So I tell my friends to hold it down at the bar while I head off and just talk to this chick. Let me tell you, she was way outta my league, hourglass figure in a black dress, brunette with her hair curled.
As I approached, I acted like a real gentleman, I asked her friends if I could kindly take her to dance. The girls checked me out for a second and had a giggle and pushed their friend toward me. So we moved and started dancing and just gave each other details of name, age, etc. As the songs got more touchy friendly (Slow jams, as it was an RnB club) we started getting real close, I placed my hand on her hips and we kinda did the whole corny swaying crap. I looked over this chick's shoulder to see my that my pal's are missing. I kinda shrugged it off, not thinking it was a big deal.
The music got progressively faster and the content becoming more explicit. This girl begins to get more wild as she does all sorts of crazy stunts - hair flinging, ass shaking, jumping.. Anything you can really think of. I try to contain her by holding her close but still maintaining a rhythm, at about this time she's whispering things into my ear about making out and possibly leaving the club, I'm mad keen on getting with her so we kiss a little and I place my hands on her ass.
You might think "Awesome Job, Pilot! You hooked up and had a great night!" Wrong.
I feel an odd sensation that my hands are unfamiliar with.. It feels wet and also feels some what thick in texture. I back off from the girl, but she continues to dance - unaware of the fact that I let go.
As I back away, I look at my hands.. And to my horror, a moist, clear substance with large portions of brown cover my hands.
My hands are covered with shit and sweat. I have no freaking clue why, but I had the natural instinct to smell my hand. and MY GOD it was terrible. I run toward the bathroom whimpering and turn the taps on full blast. The water cleans off the mess hands but it covers my shirt. Well shit. I clean up and check for my phone. 20 missed calls. about 3 - 4 from each friend. I call back to just hear my friend answer with a loud hostile tone (So loud, in fact I had to satirically hold the phone away from my face and clench my right eye) I hear him clear though, he says they were kicked out of the club and are now being chased by some crazy drunk dude. I try to calm him down and ask for his location while walking out of the club.
I am now a man, drenched in sweaty poo water, feeling rather upset due to the enjoyment of my night ending quickly. I am also hella concerned looking for my friends who could have possibly been stabbed and or killed. I ran to the street where my friend told me they were located while on the phone when suddenly I find this guy laying naked on the side of the street. I yell out to him, asking if he's alright while slowing down to approach with caution.
All of a sudden, I hear a scream only I can recognize from both the phone and in person, it was my friend, he proceeded to scream to me "DON'T GET CLOSE, HE'S THE GUY CHASING US" I look to the direction of where the voice is coming from. The alleyway. He and all my friends run out yelling while pointing frantically. I turn around and the naked guy is standing looking right at me and says "I'm mister jinky! touch my dick!!!!!" Let me tell you, I have never been so scared in my life and I just throw the hardest punch and knock the dude out cold (I was so freaked I even forgot that the dude's junk was just flopping everywhere) The guy fell pretty hard and I just stood there startled.
And my friends run to me yelling "WHAT THE HELL?" I was so confused, but he then explained they wanted to prank me so they payed the Birthday Boy's cousin to strip down and scare me.
It definitely wasn't the right time to mess around with a guy covered in shit, only wanting one thing from the night..
I came home feeling dirty and feeling bad for the dude I punched. That night was wild.
TL;DR: Friend's 21st, wanted to kiss a girl and ended up having poo on my hands, was attacked by a naked guy who turned out to be my friend's cousin.
So there's my story, I'm bored and I'm keen for a read - do any of DTK's members get wild on the occasion and have some funny stories to tell? If so, leave a story or two! or just enjoy this one I wrote.